Love is Patient: Part 3

The need for patience

What is the measure of true strength? Is it measured in one’s ability to control his surroundings, to command those around him, and to achieve his own desire? King Solomon said, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.” (Proverbs 16:32) True strength is measured in how one is able to rule his own spirit. True strength is shown in one’s self control and self discipline. Anyone can be lead around by their emotions and their impulses but it takes a man or woman of strength to deny their fleshly lusts and to do what is right. When we rule by wrath and anger, we may feel like the “big man on campus” but we are really giving expression to our own weakness and immaturity of spirit.

Life is too short to live by the flesh. When King Solomon reflected on the brevity of life he concluded, “So, remove grief and anger from your heart and put away pain from your body, because childhood and the prime of life are fleeting.” (Ecclesiastes 11:10) Most of our relationships will not last forever. This is especially true of our children. At most, we only have them for only 20 Christmases, 20 birthdays, and 20 summers. Our time with our children is so fleeting. They are little for such a short period of time and then they are grown up and off on their own. We have such precious little time with them that it would be a shame to spend it in anger, conflict, and fighting. How much better spent would our time be if we employed some patience and overlooked a transgression or two?

Growing in patience

Here are some practical suggestions that can help us grow in patience.

“A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression.” (Proverbs 19:11)

Discretion is the ability to make good judgments. It is the ability to analyze a given situation and to choose wisely between two or more courses of action. When choosing between various options, the correct option is often identified by first examining the motives of our heart. I can think of many examples where someone offended or hurt me and everything within me wanted to lash out and “let them have it!” But I’m learning to stop and ask myself why? Why do I want to retaliate? Without exception it is because I want to hurt them back for hurting me. My impulse to lash back is out of a motive to hurt, to retaliate, and to extract some sort of vengeance. No matter how nicely you dress it up, these motives are not the motives of Christ. Even if I’ve been hurt unjustly, it is never Christ-like to respond in kind. “But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.” (Matthew 5:39)

Responding in anger and getting even is never our only option. Paul gives us another option, “Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be defrauded?” (1 Corinthians 6:7) The solution to anger and wrath is forgiveness, to overlook a transgression, for love’s sake. Jesus loved us and has overlooked and forgiven us for our transgression and so should we do for others. Why is it that we have so much patience for our own sins but little patience for the sins of others? We are quick to excuse our transgressions but equally quick to judge others for theirs. Instead of responding in anger, let us choose to forgive. In doing so, we will grow in patience and we will find that the little stuff no longer bothers us as much as it used to. Remember the saying, “Don’t sweat the small stuff – and it’s all small stuff”.

More to come… David Robison