Love is Kind: Part 4

The Power of Kindness

We often do not think of power and kindness in the same sentence, however kindness has the power to produce amazing results in the people we love. Here are some of the ways kindness can benefit your relationships.

“Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?” (Romans 2:4)

Kindness can bring others to repentance. This scripture is usually, and rightly so, applied to our repentance towards God, but when we employ kindness towards other people, it too can lead them to a place of repentance. Repentance embodies two actions. First a turning away from one thing and turning towards another, and secondly a changing of one’s mind. How can we encourage others to change their habits and behaviors that are hurtful in a relationship? I know from personal experience that nagging, complaining, fault finding, and belittling do not work. Often they only serve to cause the other person to dig in their heels and to resist any suggestion to change. Kindness, however, has the ability to soften the other person and to actually motivate them towards a change in behavior and a change in heart. This is why King Solomon said, “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.” (Proverbs 25:21-22) Kindness can soften the hard hearted and cause a heart of stone to melt like wax.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)

Kindness diffuses hostility. When tension enters into a relationship it often escalates into hostility and strife. We have all witnessed this escalation in our own relationships and in the relationships of those around us. Someone makes a hurtful comment and the other responds in kind. This then causes the first person to make an even more hurtful remark which is meet in kind by the other person. In no time a simple, though hurtful, comment escalates into a full-blown argument with yelling, shouting, and even violence. The key to stopping this escalation is kindness. Kindness cuts off and diffuses hostility. This is why Jesus said, “But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either.” (Luke 6:27-29) When someone “strikes you on the cheek,” hitting back will only cause the argument to continue and to grow, but by showing kindness we can defuse the argument and bring resolution with minimal pain and hurt to everyone involved.

“By long forbearance a ruler is persuaded, and a gentle tongue breaks a bone.” (Proverbs 25:15 NKJV)

Kindness breaks down resistance. When you raise teenagers, and I have three, you will from time to time experience resistance from them. They don’t want to go to the meeting with you, they don’t want to go camping during vacation, and they don’t want to have to get a job. Even worse, there are times that they resist your morals, beliefs, and values. They don’t understand why you won’t let them see certain movies that all their other friends have already seen. They don’t understand why it’s such a big deal when they stay out with their girl friend till one or two in the morning. The teenage years can be a time of tremendous resistance and tension between parents and child. It can seem that they have their hand raised in defiance to everything you believe and value. But kindness has the ability to break the bone of resistance and to motivate your teenagers towards compliance, even if they still don’t agree or understand. This does not mean that they will never try to buck the system, but when they are convinced that they are loved by the ones they are resisting, they will be more likely to come around to compliance. Knowing that you are loved, and experiencing that love though the kindness shown to you, can make all the difference in the world.

More to come… David Robison